New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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