You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
