We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
