Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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