This girl is more easily done than said...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize