I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
