I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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