dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
