is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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