easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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