The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
