I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize