fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
