look no pants
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
