So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
