Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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