I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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