the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
