If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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