Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
