hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
