Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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