WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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