i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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