We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am one with the molecules
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
