I think scott just propositioned me for sex
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
