Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
