dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
