i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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