I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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