You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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