ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
