I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
