I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
