stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
