And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
