i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
