All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
