Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
