Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
