I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
