nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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