i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
