just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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