i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
