You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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