Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
