i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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