I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
