I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
