can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
