apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
