doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We're too hungover to prance.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize