apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
