i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
