Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
