she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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