do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
