Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
