wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize