took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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