so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
