The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
