Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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