I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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