I wish i was in the wii world.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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