Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
