also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
