Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
