I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I smell stomach acid.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
