I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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