porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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