He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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