so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
