We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
