I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
