her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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