Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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