my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
