fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize