I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she told me i tasted like america
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
