So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
