my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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