is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
