I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
