wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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