Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Define "chronic" masturbator.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
