Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
