I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
