Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
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