I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Randomize
