you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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