I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
