Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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