His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
