Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
