Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize