the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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